(no subject)

[clarinelf]

It's interesting to be at this juncture, reflecting on how stressed out I am, and how I am always either really crabby or slap-happy lately. I am reminding myself that I am no longer a stupid sophomore, that I know my limits, that I will burn out if I keep pushing, pushing, pushing myself to accomplish 4 essays and practicing and getting some exercise all in one night. Plus studying chemistry (the book is a MONSTER) and figuring out all of this complicatedness that comes with applying to colleges.

I know, I know. I've bitched about this for the past several months, but this week is the first time I've started to feel as if sophomore year is happening all over again. I was reminded the other day by Max that I was doing unnecessary writing in English, and my only response to his deeming my work overachieving was "Yeah, well . . . it's what I do."

I thought I had learned not to do this to myself. Last year I felt so enlightened, knowing that working too hard for the wrong reasons would get me nothing, in the long run. I don't want my senior year to be ruined by my own perfectionist, near-obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It's no good.

Yes, I want to go to a good college. Do I want to spend the money for it? I don't know. Do I know how to write a good college admissions essay? Clearly, the answer is no. All I can write are these stupid journal entries that, in the end, only serve to waste the time I could be spending working on something of consequence.

Little things have started bugging me again. They didn't have that effect on me last year to nearly this extent; now that I have had some time to recover from AP U.S. I am not really sure what kind of mindset I am in. They all seem to be blending together, when they used to seem so separate. I'm tired, I feel crappy physically, my focus is definitely not there, and already I have no desire to work on college apps - which sucks because I haven't submitted one yet.

Grah.


Forward thinking is the key; not so much worrying about what's to come, but thinking ahead to where I want to go instead of dwelling on what's happened and comparing my current self to it. It's got to be annoying, when I do all this ranting and then come to a conclusion. Sorry for ruining flists with this crap.

Comments

[ladyaranel.livejournal.com]

If you're going to doubt anything, doubt your limits. :) College essays don't really matter that much. Just treat it like an essay for school and don't let it stress you out too much. Looking back on my essays, they all completely sucked. But I still got into a fair amount of schools and I'm happy where I am - you deal with what you have.

If I can give you one useful tip, organize your apps. I had a big folder of all of the materials I needed for applications, then made checklists for each school (send in app fee, write essay, fill out parents' college experience, etc.). It kept me sane and made sure I didn't forget anything, and I actually worked much more efficiently because I could sit down and look at my checklist to see what I needed to work on the most.

Grah. Sorry for the long comment!

[clarinelf.livejournal.com]

No, no, long comments are good! :)

I'll definitely try the checklist thing . . . Sounds very useful! Thanks for the encouragement, Sally. *hug*