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?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!!?!?!??
Know what's strange? Yesterday I deleted a few sentences from my entry about things I thought I had figured out, but don't. I thought all the confliction would float away by tonight - but it hasn't. I still find myself staring at the U of I's undergraduate admissions page.
Why on earth am I suddenly sort-of wanting to go there? Is it the money factor, which I never considered so seriously until I began operating under the assumption that I'll be going to Grinnell in fall? Granted, with the academic scholarships I'll be getting there, Grinnell is cheaper . . . for the first year. But what if I could graduate early from the U of I, with all my AP credit and whatnot? A whole year off of the tuition-paying thing would be really nice.
The thing about it is that I am suddenly kind of frightened by both the prospect of such an enormous school and the prospect of such a tiny school. Too bad there are no happy mediums, population-wise, among my college choices. It's not a matter of knowing people, although a TON of Mundelein kids are going to Illinois. Maybe it's wanting the big, exciting campus. At a small college, there are fewer people to get lost among, but there is also a smaller number of people in general. At a big college, there is something for everyone. It's just a matter of finding it, right?
I don't understand. I thought I had U of I ruled out last summer!
Again, I really don't understand my thinking. I've said "I applied to the U of I, but I don't really want to go there" many times in the past months with confidence, so why am I all of a sudden questioning that stance? I don't feel this way about Lawrence or Macalester or anywhere, really (except Grinnell) - but with the U of I it feels sort of like I'll be missing something big (and not just size-wise) if I choose not to attend. I liked what I saw last spring break when I toured campus and saw the general atmosphere; I'm not sure if I repressed those pleasant memories or if I've been delusional (or if I am right now) or what.
I got into their LAS honors program. I haven't yet sent them the thing that says, "I have made other college plans and will be attending _______". It's not like any of the U of I acceptance stuff is a big shock; it was the first college I was accepted to and I received news about the James Scholar thing ages ago.
WTF?!
Help me, I'm scared of my own thoughts about college. :\
Why on earth am I suddenly sort-of wanting to go there? Is it the money factor, which I never considered so seriously until I began operating under the assumption that I'll be going to Grinnell in fall? Granted, with the academic scholarships I'll be getting there, Grinnell is cheaper . . . for the first year. But what if I could graduate early from the U of I, with all my AP credit and whatnot? A whole year off of the tuition-paying thing would be really nice.
The thing about it is that I am suddenly kind of frightened by both the prospect of such an enormous school and the prospect of such a tiny school. Too bad there are no happy mediums, population-wise, among my college choices. It's not a matter of knowing people, although a TON of Mundelein kids are going to Illinois. Maybe it's wanting the big, exciting campus. At a small college, there are fewer people to get lost among, but there is also a smaller number of people in general. At a big college, there is something for everyone. It's just a matter of finding it, right?
I don't understand. I thought I had U of I ruled out last summer!
Again, I really don't understand my thinking. I've said "I applied to the U of I, but I don't really want to go there" many times in the past months with confidence, so why am I all of a sudden questioning that stance? I don't feel this way about Lawrence or Macalester or anywhere, really (except Grinnell) - but with the U of I it feels sort of like I'll be missing something big (and not just size-wise) if I choose not to attend. I liked what I saw last spring break when I toured campus and saw the general atmosphere; I'm not sure if I repressed those pleasant memories or if I've been delusional (or if I am right now) or what.
I got into their LAS honors program. I haven't yet sent them the thing that says, "I have made other college plans and will be attending _______". It's not like any of the U of I acceptance stuff is a big shock; it was the first college I was accepted to and I received news about the James Scholar thing ages ago.
WTF?!
Help me, I'm scared of my own thoughts about college. :\
no subject
It's one thing to know academically that a college will be small and to know that that will give you some opportunities that you would otherwise miss, and it's another thing to realize exactly how small it will actually be. On the other hand, though, a big school would be way more confusing, and it would be a lot easier to entirely slip through the cracks.
Just my two cents, hope it isn't too weird that I commented over here.
no subject
I definitely agree about the anonymity factor at big universities. I really like Grinnell, yet its location and lack of a strong band program make me hesitate.