Rediscovering Amy
Jun. 9th, 2004 10:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
clarinelf
The broadband connection is fixed. Hurrah!
It's raining out. It was scorching hot early in the day, but then it cooled off just before the rain began to pour, and - get this - the pavement was steaming when the icy raindrops made contact. Talk about a cool thing to drive through! Made me feel like I was in a movie.
Anyway. I have decided that I'd really like to be the old me again. As in, the me of the first half of this past school year. I was happy with my life and content with who I was, what I was doing, where I was going. For the past four months or so, I've been as close to utterly lost in life as one can get without actually being utterly lost. I want to find myself again. The first thing to rediscover, I think, is music.
I went to return the bass clarinet to the CYSO director of operations after the concert on Sunday, and after shaking my hand etc., he said, "If you want to come back your senior year, let us know."
And, duh, I got really sentimental (I had been for the whole night, actually), wishing that I had reauditioned back in April, wishing that I'd never stopped caring about how much I practiced, wishing that I could just be a music major without a single worry in the world when the time comes for college. But, no. I have to be stuck in this mess I've created for myself.
I wish I could go back in time, with a Time-Turner, or something. Fix my mistakes. Do right when I actually chose wrong. Run when I chose to gorge on junk, practice when I chose to watch movies. It's too late (as well as impossible) to take any of that back, so I'll just have to start from scratch.
And I want to get back into shape. Really, really badly. I feel like a gelatinous blob sitting here in front of the computer all day. But really, work does tire me out so that I don't have the energy to work out after a day in the office (God, I sound so OLD!), but I think I will have to start forcing myself to find an energy renewal from exercise rather than food and naps.
It's raining out. It was scorching hot early in the day, but then it cooled off just before the rain began to pour, and - get this - the pavement was steaming when the icy raindrops made contact. Talk about a cool thing to drive through! Made me feel like I was in a movie.
Anyway. I have decided that I'd really like to be the old me again. As in, the me of the first half of this past school year. I was happy with my life and content with who I was, what I was doing, where I was going. For the past four months or so, I've been as close to utterly lost in life as one can get without actually being utterly lost. I want to find myself again. The first thing to rediscover, I think, is music.
I went to return the bass clarinet to the CYSO director of operations after the concert on Sunday, and after shaking my hand etc., he said, "If you want to come back your senior year, let us know."
And, duh, I got really sentimental (I had been for the whole night, actually), wishing that I had reauditioned back in April, wishing that I'd never stopped caring about how much I practiced, wishing that I could just be a music major without a single worry in the world when the time comes for college. But, no. I have to be stuck in this mess I've created for myself.
I wish I could go back in time, with a Time-Turner, or something. Fix my mistakes. Do right when I actually chose wrong. Run when I chose to gorge on junk, practice when I chose to watch movies. It's too late (as well as impossible) to take any of that back, so I'll just have to start from scratch.
And I want to get back into shape. Really, really badly. I feel like a gelatinous blob sitting here in front of the computer all day. But really, work does tire me out so that I don't have the energy to work out after a day in the office (God, I sound so OLD!), but I think I will have to start forcing myself to find an energy renewal from exercise rather than food and naps.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-09 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-10 07:57 pm (UTC)When are we going to go and drool over Harry/Twinses?! And have this "Pedophile Palooza" Anya mentioned? ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-10 10:03 pm (UTC)