ACK, I'M BACK!!!
Aug. 19th, 2003 08:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
clarinelf
Sorry, the computer got that virus thing, which not only killed the computer for a few days, but killed my spirit as well, since I couldn't get online and keep up with my friends and all that.
But, I have entries to post. So, here follow two long, rather boring ones that you may skip entirely since I said so.
The Return to School was not as heinous as I had anticipated it to be. What with our new psycho superintendent and the fact that we go back two weeks before nearly everyone in the entire state, I hadn't expected a picnic.
It was good, though, to see everyone again. Even if we have the same alphabetical-homerooms, meaning that I am confined to solitary torture among a large, ignorant group of cheerleaders, annoying people who cling to you if you so much as show signs of friendliness, and mostly, jerks.
It's so good that they've instated a new policy about homeroom, which allows one to go straight to the destination of one's choice, so long as it is within the school campus and has a sign-in sheet for students.
Let's see. To make this rot even more boring, I'll go through a class-by class analysis of my First Day Back. Just for future memories, and to cause any reader who has made it this far to click that lovely little "x" in the upper-right hand corner.
First Period: Honors English 2
Coming off the worst English class of my life, my expectations were pretty low for the next level of Honors in the English Department. I'd heard some not-so-good things about my teacher at band camp, and this caused my expectations to drop even further. So far, in fact, that I entered the room with a positive attitude, seeing as how I thought, "The rest of the day can't be any worse than this, once it's over with."
And yes, there are many Not-Even-Close-To-Honors-Material students in my class. Well, same as last year. I think I can deal with that, because I have one good friend and a couple other friends in class with me, to save my sanity and all that in moments of peril. The only bad thing that I have thus far seen is that a girl by the name of Kristin (one of those N.E.C.T.H.M people) is there also. She drives me batty. Just catching a glimpse of this girl during marching band was enough to make me want to hurl.
I will not go into a detailed description of her, for that will ruin my good mood. I will say only this: She. Is. A. skank.
So. We talked about ourselves and that, to get acquainted, and that fascinating activity took so long that we didn't even turn our summer assignments in! Which made me mad, since I slaved over it Sunday night for the teacher's reading pleasure.
And after English, it was on to
Health
Hm. This was an interesting experience. Very interesting. I mean, it's really nice to have Sara and Becky with me, and Max can be relatively normal when he's on his own. It's just so strange to finally have classes with people I really like that I'm getting a bit freaked out by it.
So, on to what all we did in Health class. Well, we played some immensely unrelated-to-Health games, those kinds that are supposed to make the class friendlier with each other and so that everyone can be best buddies and whatnot. They were amusing, but I doubt that anyone in class is any closer to another person than they started out as at the beginning of class.
The really, really good thing about Health is this: The teacher does not believe in homework.
I seriously thought that teachers with those kinds of beliefs were sacrificed to some kind of evil teacher-god thing that eats those with the sense not to believe in homework. But it's wonderful to find such a rare specimen of prof. at this point in time.
And after Health comes
Band
Ah, band: The one place that used to make me happy. Now it just makes me sweaty and discouraged. The sweatiness comes from marching around outside in sweltering heat, and the discouragedness (yes, I am fully aware that that is not a word) comes from seeing that one guy, um, yeah. But, it's fun 'cause there's lots of cool people and nub.
Lunch
follows immediately after Band, and yay for being able to leave the lunchroom this year! We now can wander aimlessly through the halls, hang out in the band room, or even (insert shocked gasping noises here) go out into the courtyards!!
Yes, this is the first time in ages we have been allowed to use the courtyards for anything other than passing period. On days of good weather, it's probably the closest thing to leaving campus for lunch, which only upperclassmen can do. Maybe I'll survive the year until I am allowed to do that. Who knows?
My next (and last) class of the day is
Biology
I really like some aspects of Biology, like what we're doing for the rest of the Biology fling: DNA and genetics. Other aspects, like photosynthesis and respiration are not so pleasant.
I really like my teacher, mainly because he's cool and funny and that combined with the fact that he took pity on me last year with my horrendous plant project makes him a good teacher in my mind. It's also fun 'cause I sit by my lab partner from last year again, Cynthia. We have first term science together, but then we will be separated come second term due to her band period changing.
The block schedule is weird. Even people that are completely used to it by now find it weird.
So, that wraps up my little synopsis of my day. Hope it was as thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining as I meant for it to be.
Oh, I'm just a really big looooooooser . . .
See, I think this because I have not the social skills that Sara does. And because I lack those useful social skills, I am unable to approach the person I've been secretly admiring for over a year now without feeling immensely stupid or like I'm annoying said person.
It's just so sad.
But, onto other things, like why I have been mysteriously absent from my Internet World for a week. Well, it can be explained by two things: a virus and then extreme laziness/occupation.
The virus should be old news by now, and so I will go on to explain the laziness/occupation thing. Well, it so happens that I was too lazy to really get after my dad to download the patch to his laptop and transfer it to this computer, and my dad was too occupied to remember to bring his laptop home so that I could do the dirty work myself and not have to bug him to do it.
Funny old world, isn't it?
Anyway. I've been pondering away (and having some dreams, eeep) about this ongoing, one-sided thing that I've got going with Josh. It's so hard to talk to him because he's always got some other person talking to him, and even when he doesn't, I feel like I'd be bothering him if I did go and try to talk with him.
Not that he hasn't talked to me before, it's just that . . . Oh, how to put it. Hmm.
He has indeed started a lot of conversations with me (in fact, most of them), and I always try to keep my answers short because I'm worried that I'd bore him to death if I let my mouth get going like it does when I'm around people I'm perfectly comfortable with, like Sara.
But then I worry if I'm coming off as rude because I always seem to have these clear, concise answers prepared to just spit out at him and wait for his response. But then I wonder if he wants to hear me talk, because he's the one that started the conversation (most of the time), after all.
It's all just so strange and confusing that I think I might as well give up on guys for the rest of my life because
(a) I don't understand them
(b) They don't seem to understand/want to understand me
(c) No one up to this point has liked me for who I am, so why should I think it'll happen in the future?
It confuses even me, so if you don't understand, please just go away now and forget that my troubles even exist. They're a mere ripple in a hurricane of people's problems all over the world.
And now to continue making ripples . . .
I try to have a positive outlook on things, but my fortunes in the area of romance and such get me down to such a point that when I look up and see Sara, Miss Socialite Who's Actually Got a Chance With the Guy She Likes, being all happy and everything, I just want to lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling and silently ask the heavens why I've been cursed with so much shyness and self-consciousness and all those things that make approaching one that one really likes difficult in the extreme.
I think I may have done that in the past, but I'm not quite sure if the heavens heard me. I've got to change myself, though; that's the only real solution. I learned all this stuff about lifestyle behaviors and goals and changing and nub in Health class last week, and it seems like it's applicable in my situation. And, like we learned in Health, changing lifestyle behaviors is a hard thing to do.
Maybe I'm not up for anything challenging right now other than orchestra music and parallel parking, though.
And I'll have some more current stuff up and about sooner or later (probably later, since I have to practice my butt off for orchestra auditions, and successfully parallel park by this Saturday which will be no easy feat, let me assure you).
But, I have entries to post. So, here follow two long, rather boring ones that you may skip entirely since I said so.
The Return to School was not as heinous as I had anticipated it to be. What with our new psycho superintendent and the fact that we go back two weeks before nearly everyone in the entire state, I hadn't expected a picnic.
It was good, though, to see everyone again. Even if we have the same alphabetical-homerooms, meaning that I am confined to solitary torture among a large, ignorant group of cheerleaders, annoying people who cling to you if you so much as show signs of friendliness, and mostly, jerks.
It's so good that they've instated a new policy about homeroom, which allows one to go straight to the destination of one's choice, so long as it is within the school campus and has a sign-in sheet for students.
Let's see. To make this rot even more boring, I'll go through a class-by class analysis of my First Day Back. Just for future memories, and to cause any reader who has made it this far to click that lovely little "x" in the upper-right hand corner.
First Period: Honors English 2
Coming off the worst English class of my life, my expectations were pretty low for the next level of Honors in the English Department. I'd heard some not-so-good things about my teacher at band camp, and this caused my expectations to drop even further. So far, in fact, that I entered the room with a positive attitude, seeing as how I thought, "The rest of the day can't be any worse than this, once it's over with."
And yes, there are many Not-Even-Close-To-Honors-Material students in my class. Well, same as last year. I think I can deal with that, because I have one good friend and a couple other friends in class with me, to save my sanity and all that in moments of peril. The only bad thing that I have thus far seen is that a girl by the name of Kristin (one of those N.E.C.T.H.M people) is there also. She drives me batty. Just catching a glimpse of this girl during marching band was enough to make me want to hurl.
I will not go into a detailed description of her, for that will ruin my good mood. I will say only this: She. Is. A. skank.
So. We talked about ourselves and that, to get acquainted, and that fascinating activity took so long that we didn't even turn our summer assignments in! Which made me mad, since I slaved over it Sunday night for the teacher's reading pleasure.
And after English, it was on to
Health
Hm. This was an interesting experience. Very interesting. I mean, it's really nice to have Sara and Becky with me, and Max can be relatively normal when he's on his own. It's just so strange to finally have classes with people I really like that I'm getting a bit freaked out by it.
So, on to what all we did in Health class. Well, we played some immensely unrelated-to-Health games, those kinds that are supposed to make the class friendlier with each other and so that everyone can be best buddies and whatnot. They were amusing, but I doubt that anyone in class is any closer to another person than they started out as at the beginning of class.
The really, really good thing about Health is this: The teacher does not believe in homework.
I seriously thought that teachers with those kinds of beliefs were sacrificed to some kind of evil teacher-god thing that eats those with the sense not to believe in homework. But it's wonderful to find such a rare specimen of prof. at this point in time.
And after Health comes
Band
Ah, band: The one place that used to make me happy. Now it just makes me sweaty and discouraged. The sweatiness comes from marching around outside in sweltering heat, and the discouragedness (yes, I am fully aware that that is not a word) comes from seeing that one guy, um, yeah. But, it's fun 'cause there's lots of cool people and nub.
Lunch
follows immediately after Band, and yay for being able to leave the lunchroom this year! We now can wander aimlessly through the halls, hang out in the band room, or even (insert shocked gasping noises here) go out into the courtyards!!
Yes, this is the first time in ages we have been allowed to use the courtyards for anything other than passing period. On days of good weather, it's probably the closest thing to leaving campus for lunch, which only upperclassmen can do. Maybe I'll survive the year until I am allowed to do that. Who knows?
My next (and last) class of the day is
Biology
I really like some aspects of Biology, like what we're doing for the rest of the Biology fling: DNA and genetics. Other aspects, like photosynthesis and respiration are not so pleasant.
I really like my teacher, mainly because he's cool and funny and that combined with the fact that he took pity on me last year with my horrendous plant project makes him a good teacher in my mind. It's also fun 'cause I sit by my lab partner from last year again, Cynthia. We have first term science together, but then we will be separated come second term due to her band period changing.
The block schedule is weird. Even people that are completely used to it by now find it weird.
So, that wraps up my little synopsis of my day. Hope it was as thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining as I meant for it to be.
Oh, I'm just a really big looooooooser . . .
See, I think this because I have not the social skills that Sara does. And because I lack those useful social skills, I am unable to approach the person I've been secretly admiring for over a year now without feeling immensely stupid or like I'm annoying said person.
It's just so sad.
But, onto other things, like why I have been mysteriously absent from my Internet World for a week. Well, it can be explained by two things: a virus and then extreme laziness/occupation.
The virus should be old news by now, and so I will go on to explain the laziness/occupation thing. Well, it so happens that I was too lazy to really get after my dad to download the patch to his laptop and transfer it to this computer, and my dad was too occupied to remember to bring his laptop home so that I could do the dirty work myself and not have to bug him to do it.
Funny old world, isn't it?
Anyway. I've been pondering away (and having some dreams, eeep) about this ongoing, one-sided thing that I've got going with Josh. It's so hard to talk to him because he's always got some other person talking to him, and even when he doesn't, I feel like I'd be bothering him if I did go and try to talk with him.
Not that he hasn't talked to me before, it's just that . . . Oh, how to put it. Hmm.
He has indeed started a lot of conversations with me (in fact, most of them), and I always try to keep my answers short because I'm worried that I'd bore him to death if I let my mouth get going like it does when I'm around people I'm perfectly comfortable with, like Sara.
But then I worry if I'm coming off as rude because I always seem to have these clear, concise answers prepared to just spit out at him and wait for his response. But then I wonder if he wants to hear me talk, because he's the one that started the conversation (most of the time), after all.
It's all just so strange and confusing that I think I might as well give up on guys for the rest of my life because
(a) I don't understand them
(b) They don't seem to understand/want to understand me
(c) No one up to this point has liked me for who I am, so why should I think it'll happen in the future?
It confuses even me, so if you don't understand, please just go away now and forget that my troubles even exist. They're a mere ripple in a hurricane of people's problems all over the world.
And now to continue making ripples . . .
I try to have a positive outlook on things, but my fortunes in the area of romance and such get me down to such a point that when I look up and see Sara, Miss Socialite Who's Actually Got a Chance With the Guy She Likes, being all happy and everything, I just want to lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling and silently ask the heavens why I've been cursed with so much shyness and self-consciousness and all those things that make approaching one that one really likes difficult in the extreme.
I think I may have done that in the past, but I'm not quite sure if the heavens heard me. I've got to change myself, though; that's the only real solution. I learned all this stuff about lifestyle behaviors and goals and changing and nub in Health class last week, and it seems like it's applicable in my situation. And, like we learned in Health, changing lifestyle behaviors is a hard thing to do.
Maybe I'm not up for anything challenging right now other than orchestra music and parallel parking, though.
And I'll have some more current stuff up and about sooner or later (probably later, since I have to practice my butt off for orchestra auditions, and successfully parallel park by this Saturday which will be no easy feat, let me assure you).
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